It is beyond our understanding to lose a child whom we have been trusted to protect with everything we are.

A child is a precious gift from God, the purest sense of unconditional love. Love that freely flows regardless of any innermost or outward appearance without even knowing who this person will become, you love this child. You would die in place of this child at first sight.

When the Doctor utters the bad news unable to keep his lips from trembling it is pure shock. Out of fear I lived on autopilot, protecting our hearts from what might be. Just loving and thankful for each and every moment that he was still with us, praying that the day would not end. Still believing that “no way” “no way” He won’t die, God will not do that to his friends! That would be too much for their delicate souls to bear. He will live with faith and because of his walk so will his friends and others.

Silently and softly, he slipped out of our tender loving care. I felt as if I had died with him, never wanted to feel ever again.

“What did I do wrong?” My merciful God would not have put this precious child on Earth to endure this horrible beast of an illness to punish me “not my God” protector of innocent children! “Why God, why God?” I will ache for the rest of my life!

He was such a joy and only a little boy. He stood on your word through it all at 11 years old a fine example of a man with a heart for you, God. I am angry. There are so many that choose not to live and don’t even care about you! We depend on you. Collins depended on you and me. I could not save my son.

This is where human ends and the Holy Spirit wraps his arms around the sinners and broken hearted.

Who am I? I am a child of God, the one and only parent that can save us all.

I still fall to my knees and sob for my child just like Mary did for her precious son “Jesus” son of God. On the day Jesus was born, she most likely kissed him from head to toe. Tears of so much love and joy filled her heart as she held her first love, a beautiful baby boy. I am sure it was that same love that brought her to her knees at his feet as he hung on that rugged cross for all our sin. Not his!

God has not asked us to live through more pain than He can save us from.

He Knows!